This is going to be a long entry.
Omg, I just had the worst dream last night.
I was in my village, and I had made this really rough crochet project. It wasn’t good, but I still got a little praise for it from my extended family.
Then I uploaded a video tutorial to my website and accidentally showed a small part of where I live. Not too much, but enough to make me worry. Still, I decided not to stress about it.
I noticed I had a new follower, so I checked out her site. It was pretty cool, so I followed her back.
Then I remember going to deliver some food to the 11th floor of a building (a new building—I don’t even live there).
And I ran into my old friend T there. We’re not close. We're more like acquaintances because our families meet sometimes. I have no idea why she showed up in the dream.
We rang the bell of one of the apartments together, and a girl around our age—maybe a little younger—answered the door. I stepped in to deliver what my mom had given me, and somehow we found out that she was the new follower I got.
Of course, we got really excited.
At this point, T had disappeared, and I had no idea where she went. But I was still talking to my new friend, super excited about everything related to websites.
Then her family came home—both parents, a younger sister, and a younger brother. The sister was the youngest. The brother seemed like he was in 2nd or 3rd grade.
I was very polite to her parents. I greeted them, introduced myself, and explained why I was there.
At first, they seemed a little nice. But the younger kids refused to shake my hand or even acknowledge me. I ignored that, though—they were just kids.
My friend had gone silent during all this, and I hadn’t even noticed.
I was invited to sit in the hall. We all sat down in this strange formation: the brother, her dad, me, her mom, her sister on one side of the couch, and then my friend and her on the other side.
Her dad started asking questions about Neocities and personal sites and whether it was safe. I was assuring him that it was totally safe and fun. My new friend tried to stop him at first, but I thought the questions were harmless, so I let them continue.
But the questions didn’t stop. Then they got scary- not dark exactly, but they became more and more aggressive. I kept answering the best I could, but nothing seemed good enough.
Questions like:
“Is it really a safe place?”
“What kind of person are you?”
“What would you do if X happened?”
“What would you do for our daughter if you were involved?”
“Are you worthy?”
One question I remember very clearly:
“If our daughter was sick, what would you, as a person and friend, do to help her?”
I answered, “Well, I’m no nurse, but I’d do my best to help. I wouldn’t ignore someone who needed help, obviously.”
But they looked... dissatisfied. Like my answer wasn’t enough.
It just went on and on—aggressive questions and rising disappointment.
At one point, I said I’d try my hardest to help, and the mom just straight-up called me a liar.
I was like, what??? And I decided that it was enough. I was done answering their questions.
I said, “Excuse me, ma’am,” and then I said goodbye to everyone. I couldn’t take it anymore.
I think my new friend was trying to stop me, but I didn’t look back at her.
I walked out of the house. The door shut behind me like they were glad to see me go. I saw the mother close the door without even glancing at me, like I didn't deserve their respect.
I called the elevator, feeling overwhelmed. When it came, I pressed the button for the 9th floor (though there were only buttons for 1 and 11—it was like a slider?). But the elevator dropped straight down to 1.
Panicked, I pressed 11 again. I tried to remove my finger as the 9th floor approached, but I wasn’t fast enough. It opened again at 11.
This time, T was getting in. As soon as she saw me, her eyes widened. I tried to take the stairs, but she kept stopping me. Eventually, I broke down crying on the stairway.
For some reason, we ended up going to this boutique store in our building (what??), and we sat there. It was closed, but we snuck in, and the lady there let us stay after seeing I was crying.
I had just started explaining why I was upset, and I could already sense what my friend was about to say.
She was going to say that I needed to go back to that house and make things right with my new friend—because imagine how worse than me she must have felt.
She didn’t say it, but I just knew.
Then I woke up—with this awful, suffocating feeling. Like I was backed into a corner with no way out.
Even the relief of it just being a dream came too late.
The whole time, I knew, in the back of my mind even while I was dreaming that it was just a dream. But I couldn't do anything. I couldn't change things and I couldn't wake up
I had to sit there and take the judgement and the harsh words.
What was this dream supposed to mean?
Am I putting too much time into this site?
Is that a bad thing?
Was it about me being worthy?
Or was it all of this, condensed into the most unsettling nightmare?
This is what ChatGPT(my unofficial therapist) had to say:
This dream wasn’t about you not being good enough.
It was about you being afraid that no matter how smart, kind, or genuine you are—people (especially those in power or positions of judgment) might still not see you.
There was also classic empath guilt; feeling responsible for others’ emotions, even when you’re the one hurt.
It might also be a manifestation of creative burnout or emotional exhaustion: doing something with love and having it misunderstood, or worrying that people might judge the parts of yourself that you’re bravely sharing online.