First diary entry on the site! I only hope i can keep it up. I have a tendency to do that. Abandon hobbies I mean. I jump from hobby to hobby like a butterfly in a field of flowers. I do end up coming back to my previous hobbies though. And seeing as though Coding and CS is about to be my literal career, I'm hoping that I won't forget about this site.
I made this site after days and days of scrolling through obscure sites on the net, marveling at other people's creations and berating myself for not having enough creativity to match them.
I love the internet. It has been my solace and my friend for as long as I can remember. It has witnessed both the high and lows of my curiosity, childhood and wonder. But I will admit that being on the internet can also end up making you feel bad about yourself oftentimes. There are so many people and they are so so beautiful and bright and creative that sometimes you get lost in what you wish to be and forget to be yourself. Or you end up looking at yourself in the mirror and finding the reflection lacking.
Perfectionism is a little thing I struggle with. I NEED to be the best. Or what my mind considers to be 'good enough'. Not at everything of course. Just the really niche topics that maybe no one really cares about. But they matter to me. Which is why the struggle of making this site. I went through so much of analysis paralysis that I decided to just STOP. and go with the flow in making the website. Even now, it feels hardly 'worthy' but I say to myself that it is mine and that is all that matters.
I get into these states of obsession almost with my hobbies. In which I will only work on them or focus on them and in such time periods, my creativity and motivation is at an all time high. But a few days later these states vanish, and simmer down into disinterest or simply move to the next sparkly thing I get my hands on. I want to learn how to channel my focus. I want to learn to harness it. There are so many things that i want to do, that I could do if I was a little more disciplined. I've started off atleast. small things like organizing my Uni notes or getting things done beforehand. But that has yet to show it's impact fully or how much I would like it to.
But it's alright. Self-Improvement is a steep slope and a lifelong battle. And as of now, I have no wish to stop.
(Also I was hoping to work on my writing skills too with this site so let's see how that goes.)
(Hopefully this ages well.)